Lifestyled by Paula Joye

The Joye Navigation

May 31st, 2013

Top Five Shopping Lies.

Top Five Shopping Lies.

It goes something like this: you’re in a change room trying on a dress/top/jeans. You shrug off your clothes, wrestle into the garment and then look in the mirror. Uggghh! It looks bad. It doesn’t fit. The colour is wrong.

Your inner stylist is telling you to rip it off and run from the shop. But you don’t. Instead you turn side-on. Just to check if it looks a little better from another angle. Oh…maybe it does? So you do another spin. The mustard brown buttons are really starting to grow on you. If you took up the hem and wore really high shoes it could definitely work? Hang on. When you stand like that with one foot forward and a hand on your head, it actually looks amazing.

Sold.

I don’t want to shock anyone too much but sometimes women lie to themselves when they look in the mirror. There I’ve said it. We just do. Not always but when it comes to shopping occasionally the thrill of buying something new can get in the way of honesty. Who cares if it’s a little tight or a lot ugly? Truth isn’t all that important when the trade-off is a shopping bag swinging over your arm. Women are ninjas at ducking and weaving the facts and we can use justifications like bricks until we’ve built a bridge all the way to the cash register. Do any of these sound familiar? I’ve used all of them. Occasionally in combination.

I’ll Lose Weight.

Really? No you won’t. Dieting your way into an outfit never works out that well. Did you hear that brides? If you can’t do the jeans up in the change room then you won’t be able to do them up at home. Or in three years time.

It’s On Sale.

Here’s a heads up: sales are where clothes go to die. Remember that the item is reduced for a reason – because they couldn’t sell it at the fully marked price. Fifty percent off isn’t going to make a burnt orange suit look any better on you. I know you’ve saved a load of money but you’re still the owner of a bad burnt orange suit.

It’s An Investment.

This justification employs the use of the Cost Per Wear Theorem and is most commonly applied to designer bags and shoes. You simply divide the cost of the item by the days, months, years you imagine yourself wearing it. Kind of like a mortgage! Remember that while you may indeed wear the stilettos for many years to come it will be rather tricky to actually live in them.

It Looks Good On Angelina.

Umm. Yes it does. That’s because she’s Angelina.

If Only It Was…

… a little longer, shorter, redder. This is called grasping at straws. No amount of altering will make any outfit look so much better that it warrants a purchase. You’re just kidding yourself and looking for a quick fix – next time try a Tim Tam instead.

After literally years of talking to the (wo)man in the mirror I’ve come to learn that she does not lie. Ever. She is in fact your most honest, albeit shallow, friend. So next time she tells you that something doesn’t look that hot maybe you should listen, otherwise you’ll end up with a section of your wardrobe dedicated to marabou feather jackets. Just like me.

  • Stefanie

    Agree with it all, this made me laugh Paula in a time when I do need a lift. Cost per wear is my favourite, I like to use this for designer handbags and serious jewellry, shoes I can’t justify as I’m hard wearing so they never last for me.

  • Daniella

    *Hangs head in shame*…

  • Hanne_Liz

    Snaps for working a MJ song into your piece. I was already nodding in agreement but when I read that I giggled and everyone in my office stared.

Share on Facebook Share on Facebook

Back to top